edTPA Lesson #2 Abstracting Animals

Today was my second day for my edTPA lesson!  And I think it went pretty well. :)  The kids were engaged and not so "perfectly behaved."  That was my greatest fear.  A class that is too well behaved.  I need to show my classroom management skills also!

The children did mix up a couple definitions, so we went back through that.  They had the definitions...just with the wrong words.  They were also such a creative bunch!  One girl drew a seal and then to show scale, illustrated it crushing a town.  Another SPED student drew a bear and did such a good job distorting the face!  I was so excited at the end of class looking at their final ideas.

Jeeze, I'm tired. That's all I have time for tonight, haha.

11/11/17 5:00am

I know I'm using this blog to record my journey into teaching (sorry that I've been doing such a poor job lately), but I am also going to be using it to record my dreams.  Haha, I mean, nightmares.  I suffer from chronic nightmares.  I will always wake up at least once every night, but there are times where I'll wake up every hour.  The nightmares have been with me since I was little, and have gotten worse as I have become an adult.  Hopefully, by recording them I can take time to look back and assess them to figure out what is causing them and therefore - find a way to nix them in the butt.

I used to wake up from my nightmares at very specific times.  3:00am-3:30am was the classic time.  Maybe my REM cycle is just a butt and is set on a clockwork, I don't know.  This early morning, I woke up at 5:00am.

In the nightmare, I had discovered a dead girl buried in the sand the surrounds a slide at a playground.  She hadn't been decomposing.  More so looked frozen in time.  I remember a man (supposedly playing the role of my father) came up and wrapped her in a blanket to load her in the back of the truck.  We didn't call the authorities.  In the nightmare, I snuck out of my bedroom in the middle of the night to take a peak at the dead girl.  Somehow, I knew that this was some missing girl, but I didn't understand why "my father" didn't call the police.  (Probably because he killed her, eh?) 

This is where the dream got really freaky.  As I was pulling the blanket away, her eyes shot open and she bolted upright.  She grabbed my face and from her mouth spewed thousands of little black bugs that looked like gnats - pouring into my mouth and down my throat into my belly.  She whispered, "You're mine."  And disappeared. 

For the rest of the dream, I kept seeing her everywhere I went.  In the shadows, in a far corner of the room, behind a tree staring at me.  And she wasn't so "frozen in time" looking now.  Instead, she looked like an old hag.  Her skin wrinkled and sagging immensely.  Her fingers long and boney with dirty, yellow nails that looked more like claws. 

I think the only happy thing that happened in the dream was that the farm I was living on had about five beautiful dogs.  A couple were Newfies, there was a Cocker Spaniel, a Border Collie, and a Saint Bernard.  So....that's good, right? LOL

A Year Later

Wow, I did not realize I hadn't logged on in almost year.  I could have sworn that I did at some point, but maybe I didn't get around to actually posting something.

What I'm doing with my life currently is my final practicum placement before student teaching!  It's been crazy and a great learning experience.  The kiddos love me from what I can tell. :)  Today I had these lovely kindergarten girls insist on sitting next to me on the floor and they kept scooting closer and closer.  It was absolutely adorable.  Whenever I see the kids in the hall I usually hear, "Hi Ms. Niemi!  Are you in our class today?!"  I'm kind of sad that my school schedule doesn't allow for me to be there every day!

My cat just had to crawl into my lap right now.  LOL.

Right now I'm doing my edTPA for the class.  Kind of a challenge getting everything ready.  I haven't done education classes in about a year, and I could tell that I lost some knowledge when I had first arrived at the placement.  It's a lot better now.  I feel much more confident in my ability. 

Today was a learning moment though.  I messed up.  I'll admit it.  Luckily, it wasn't as worse as it could have been and that's what makes me sick to my stomach.  See, a lot of schools have a certain way you should handle kids that are getting belligerent or are becoming unsafe - to themselves and others.  I know this.  I do.  The big thing - you don't touch them.  Well, in the kindergarten class today this little boy grabbed the exercise ball, put it on top of the chair and proceeded to start climbing on top of it.  Accident waiting to happen, right?

I told him to get down.  I gave him at least two warnings, and then he was on the top wobbling and in that moment all I could see was him falling and cracking his head open.  The teacher was across the room telling him to get down and there he was rocking back and forth getting closer and closer to falling.

So I did what I thought was right.  I went to pick him up.  And I had to put him back down on the wobbly ball.  Because if - as a teacher - you hurt the child in the process of protecting them from hurting themselves you get fucked.  I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS.  I mean, I understand why the schools have gotten to this point.  Obviously, a child was hurt somehow in the process of being saved from hurting themselves worse, parents go upset and sued the school.  What kind of a shitty world is this?  Where parents are so unthankful that you saved little Johnny from breaking his arm that the small amount of hurt they received from being saved is grounds for suing?

And I want to know just how far this goes.  If a student is running with scissors, you tell them to stop and they trip and fall on the blades and get MAJORLY hurt.....because you told them to stop that somehow makes you not legally responsible?  Just saying, but I don't think it's that easy.  What about when a student ends up dead from a crazy accident?  Like jumping from one climbing rope to the other?  You tell them to stop, they don't and fall 20 feet on their head.  This whole situation makes me so angry.

Personal Struggles

I've used this blog to document the journey into becoming a teacher.  Hence, the title of this blog, I guess.

Fact is, I am going through many personal struggles.  In the past, writing that sentence would make me cry, but right now I'm feeling so defeated that I can't even muster that.  I'm disappointing myself so much with school.  Work?  I'm feeling great at.  The only thing I need to worry about right now with that getting food donations and the turkeys all set up for local families.

But it's because of work that I feel the old acquaintance darkness creeping in.  I want to be down with school so bad, but I get so scared.  This darkness makes appearances - making it so I can't get out of bed in the morning.  Making myself feel so much guilt for not getting out a bed.  And in turn, making me crippled with anxiety of the possibility of trying to explain myself of why I'm not around.

I'm sucking at school right now.  There are days, I can't get myself out of bed.  I DO make the effort to come in outside of class time and try to make up hours that way, but I'm missing out on things...

I used to take anti-depressants to calm myself.  I was the definition of anxiety ridden.  I couldn't focus, the world terrified me and everyday, I would feel this heaviness sitting on my chest and clutching my throat.  Sometimes, to the point where I felt I couldn't breathe, but I had to keep trucking through it.  Got to be amazing, after all.

And those feelings are happening again.  Days, where I can't do anything except stay under the covers and look at my computer.  Days where I get up to go to work, but at work it feels like someone is clutching my heart and taking oxygen out of the air.  The other night, I was hanging with my boyfriend, and I wasn't me.  I could feel that.  I was someone else and in turn, I had this overwhelming terrifying feeling that I didn't know who this person next to me was.  This person I have loved for over a year and has become my best friend.  I can't focus.  To-do lists help me, but that's if I can get myself going.

My cat just came over and crawled into my lap.  Keep in mind she is not a very warm creature.

So that's what I'm going through.  And I'm terrified that I can't keep this up.  One part of me wonders if I could just quit my job right now, see if I can get credits to be full time and then hope that Financial Aid could offer me more money.  But I just don't know right now....I'm so tired.  I need to be done here.

Learning and Development & Social Influences

Ed Psych And You, back at it again, ladies and gents!

Do you know how to drive a car with a stick shift?  If you do, how did you learn to do so?  If you don't, why not?

All right, so this question is related to the section regarding learning and development depending on experience.  Individuals are going to understand things differently in regards to what they've experienced.  Example; to learn how to write effective essays, we need experiences with writing; to solve problems, we need experiences with problem solving.

So, do I know how to drive a car with a stick shift?  I could say kind of, but at this point I'm just going to say "no" because it has been six years since the last time I tried.  Whether it was yes, or if it was no, it all revolves back to the fact of "experience."  At one point, I was dating someone who every time I saw them made me practice driving their stick.  I don't now because I don't practice - meaning I don't have any experience with doing such.

You notice that your two best friends have gained a considerable amount of weight.  Will this influence you in any way?  Are you more likely to be careful about what you eat, so the same thing doesn't happen to you?

I, personally, feel that this would influence me in multiple ways.  First, I might start avoiding them as people because I get slightly uncomfortable around heavier people.  It looks extremely awkward and, is in fact, hard on the body and therefore, watching a person struggle to walk up a set of stairs or hearing them weeze heavily makes me want to run away.  I would also probably start eating less because I don't want to end up like them.  That though plays a part with my self body issues.

It's interesting because the chapter informs us that, "Researches have found that if your friends are overweight, you're also more likely to be overweight.  And, if you go out to a restaurant, and your friends are heavy eaters, you're likely to eat more than if your friends order light meals."

Going off on a related note, positive influences exist as well!  I know this from first hand experience.  My freshmen, sophomore, and junior year of college I was dating a very negative individual, and I was also friends with people who were just Debbie Downers constantly.  It was amazing to purge them out of my life because in doing so, I became happier!


On a more fun note, I introduced my two cats today!  Well, one is a cat, and I guess, the other is still considered a kitten.  It is going well, I feel.  Kit (the grouchy old one) after day two has stopped growling constantly and instead just does so when Coconut gets within a foot.  (This is even better than the previous days where the growling would intensify if he came within three feet.)  While she swipes at him, she also jumps on top of the chair and rolls on it while swatting at him - something that resembles playing.  Today, we were all able to take a nap with no cat freaking out and no growls to be heard.  It was glorious.  They might never become best buds, but I think we are on a good path to them getting along/tolerating each other. :)

Physical Development

Chapter 3 of my textbook is proving very interesting!

That, and my kitten is currently trying to eat my fingers while I type.  No, this isn't some tiny kitten.  This is a fluffy, teenager cat that basically is going through an "angst" stage and wanting to eat every and anything that moves.

Ew.  His nose is wet.

Are you short or tall?  Thin or heavy?  Did you go through puberty early or late?  How have these factors affected your development as a person?

I am an individual that falls within the "short" category by 1".  I would say I am average, if not on the thin side.  Definitely not heavy or overweight.  I went through puberty at a young age, but also did not develop in other areas until college - and that was also due to gaining weight.

It was definitely hard because even though in sixth grade we talked about periods and our bodies changing, I had teachers give me a hard time when I asked to go to the bathroom at the same time every day for a week.  I didn't want to go to change the products in between recess because that meant people might see what I was doing.  It was difficult having teachers not be there to help you.  It was also tough that I go my period earlier than everyone else, but I didn't develop any breasts.

Having boys call you, "2x4, flat as a board" literally from 7th to 12th grade, was awful.  It impacted me in such a way, that when I got to college and boys showed interest in me, I dismissed it because why would they like me?  I don't have boobs.  There were a couple that I'd flat out ask them, and they were very confused because "boobs aren't everything."  It was great to have some young men that were maturing enough not to be focusing completely on one body part, but it was awful because I still wonder if I'm good enough - based off the idea I'm not pretty if I don't have a cup size over a C.

I think it was hard because having my period sooner than everyone made me kind of serious.  I was dealing with body pain before everyone else.  I was dealing with the embarrassment of trying to hide a tampon in my sleeve.  I was gaining the understanding of what having a period meant for my body, and that thought - that I could have kids now, was terrifying.

Overall, I think puberty made me develop mentally faster, while my body was.  My indicated that my body was "now a woman," and with that I felt I needed to become a grown up.  It was also hard that by acting more mature and serious than others my age, they became annoyed with me.

It's really cool for me to come to college though and be able to take a step back and learn about what is and isn't important in life.  And be able to pick the people you actually want to hang out with, haha.  My graduating class was 42, so you really don't get much of choice.

There it is! My reflections for Ed Psych!

Back, But Slow

Hello fellow teachers!

I should be finishing up an educational psychology quiz right now, but for some reason this blog popped back into my head, and it caused me wanting to write!  (Don't tell my boyfriend though - he thinks blogging is for hipsters.  I will change his thoughts. ;] )

Since this year I'm working full time at the Family Video in time, I'm only going part time to school this year.  I had to make some tough decisions on which classes I would take, simply because some are only offered during the fall, spring, etc.  I'm hoping what I'm thinking so far will work out.  I would hate to go do my student teaching, and then have to come back for an art class or something.

I would like to keep this blog up and going though!  In my Ed Psych textbook, there's actually these small things called, "Ed Psych and Me."  It basically poses questions that get the audience thinking about the text they just read.  I think this would be great for me to take advantage of in my own personal time to reflect on what I am learning. :)

1. How did your parents raise you?  How did this compare to your friends' experiences?  How did their parenting influence your development?  If you plan to have children, how will the way you raise them compare to the way you were raised?

Parenting style: general patterns of interacting with and disciplining children
Authoritative parents: set high expectations, are warm and responsive.  Firm, caring, and consistent.
Authoritarian parents: high expectations, but tend to be cold and unresponsive.  Expect conformity, don't explain reasons for rules, and don't encourage verbal give-and-take.
Permissive parents: warm, but hold few expectations for their children.  Children - used to getting their own way - have troubles relating to their peers
Uninvolved parents: few expectations for their children, and are cold and unresponsive.  Little interest in their children

All right, going forward with that information.

My parents, I would say, were a mix of authoritative and authoritarian parents.  My dad was a farmer and most of the time, he was out in the fields or in the milk parlor, so he really didn't do a lot of raising/discipling.  It was more so my mom.  Looking back, I would say she was definitely warm and responsive, but there were MANY times growing up in the years where rules would be set and the expectation to follow them would be set - even if the rule hadn't been explained.  Through such, I struggled with feelings of respect and love, and yet, also intense fear for my mother for most of the years of my life.

In comparison with friends, I would say my parents were MUCH more strict.  Especially in regards to social events.  We were not allowed to hang with friends on school nights.  We were not allowed to stay out pass 10 o'clock on the weekends.  We could only spend time with friends of the same gender.  And my parents would call ahead to make sure that that was what we were actually doing.  My siblings and I also had to make choices if more than one friend asked to hang out with us.  On top of that, we were usually only allowed to do a special "weekend hangout" with a friend once a month or so.

I think that really impacted my development with friends because while other girls were spending almost every weekend having a sleep over, or staying up late on a weeknight to watch a show that EVERYONE was watching, my siblings and I were almost isolated when we were at school participating in drama, choir, band, and athletic events.  How my mom disciplined me also affected me in a kind of negative way.  Let me further explain.  I love my mother, and respect everything she has to say.  But, I'm almost 23 years old and up until last year I took her opinions as "the word of God."  She had something to say about my life, I listened and did whatever she told me.  Once I broke up with a guy I had been dating for a three years, I was able to not only step back from that, but my entire life completely and see different aspects that I didn't like and that weren't helping me in my development - my mom's stubbornness and opinionated behavior was overwhelming.

Despite that, I do feel my mom and dad succeeded in developing a strong, independent woman who is creative, unique and a leader.  I do strive to be an authoritative parent - one who is loving, firm in rules, but also responsive and can explain the rules rather than just expect the child to take what I say at face value.  Yeah, there will probably be some times where I would very much like that child to take what I say and no question it, but children are creative and wonderful!



So, there's my thoughts for the day. :)  Peace out, girl scout.